Why Bad Habits Don’t Exist for New Parents

Why Bad Habits Don’t Exist for New Parents? It can be overwhelming to become a first-time parent. You may feel overwhelmed by the amount of unsolicited advice, judgment, and opinions. New parents are bombarded by warnings that they will form “bad habits” and everyone has an opinion about what they should or not do. Here’s the truth. New parents don’t have bad habits. At least not in the manner that society portrays them. We need more compassion, to trust our instincts and have a better grasp of what babies need.

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You Can’t Spoil a Baby

We’ll start with a myth that is often repeated in parenting. “If you react too quickly, the baby will be spoiled.” According to this belief, love and attention have a finite amount, and too much will ruin your child. Research and instinct tell us that this is not true. The only way babies can communicate is by crying. When babies cry, they are asking for comfort, help and connection. When you respond to their cry, it’s not spoiling them. It teaches them that people can be trusted, the world is safe, and they are loved.

The brain of a newborn baby develops rapidly in the first few weeks and months. Each time you hold your baby, each time you say a soothing word and every single time that they are picked up, neural pathways are reinforced. This helps them to feel safe. Babies don’t manipulate. Babies don’t plan. They don’t plan or scheme. When we consistently meet their needs, we build trust.

Understanding the Fourth Trimester

Modern baby care tends to forget a crucial biological fact: Human babies are born immature in comparison with other mammals. The “fourth trimester,” as the term is used, suggests that the three months immediately following birth are a continuation of pregnancy. This is the time when babies need to be in a similar environment to that of the womb, with warmth, care, and closeness.

Your newborn will want to be held constantly, protest when they are put down and feed often. It’s not that they are being difficult. The transition from the enclosed, safe world of the womb to a large, unknown one is not difficult. The more we support them during this transition, they will flourish.

The Obsession of Society with Bad Habits

The societal obsession with avoiding bad habits is hard to ignore. Sleep training and strict feeding schedules are just two examples of how the narrative focuses more on preventing problems in the future than it does on meeting current needs. Parents are warned that if their babies fall asleep in their arms or eat to sleep, it will lead to years of sleepless nights.

Let’s not accept that. Where are the studies? Where are the studies that show babies who are rocked or fed on demand as they sleep grow up to be unable to self-soothe or sleep independently? These warnings are mostly based on old theories and anecdotal evidence rather than scientific research.

Many new parents find comfort and joy in soothing their babies by rocking, cuddling, or nursing. These actions calm the baby. These actions make parenting more intuitive and less of a struggle. The guilt comes not from soothing, but from the judgment of society.

The Good Habits Start With Love

Attachment, not independence, should be the foundation of early parenting. When babies are aware that their caregivers will always be available, they can build a secure attachment. It doesn’t matter if you respond perfectly each time, but your baby must know that you are there.

You can show your baby you love and care for them by rocking, feeding and being present. These are not bad habits. These are good parenting techniques. These practices are the foundation of a strong emotional foundation, which will help your child to become resilient and confident.

We can free ourselves of guilt when we see these practices as nurturing and not indulgent. We recognise them as acts of love.

Let’s Talk about Baby Sleep (and the myth of bad habits)

Sleep is a major battleground in parenting. The baby sleep industry is built on fear. Fear that your child will not sleep through the night until you teach him to do so early. Fear that you will create a sleeper who becomes dependent if you nurse or rock them to sleep.

These advices based on fear imply that babies can develop to sleep like adults, and that anything less is a failure. However, biologically, babies awaken during the night. It’s an evolutionary survival mechanism. They can’t eat enough to survive the night in their tiny stomachs. They are constantly waking up to make sure their needs are met.

You won’t need to rock your baby or nurse him to sleep forever. The brains of babies mature as they grow. Gradually, they develop the ability to soothe themselves. It happens without fear or force.

What is a “bad habit” anyway?

A bad habit can be anything that is harmful or causes distress. What harm can come from rocking your child to sleep if it results in a calmer baby and a more peaceful parent? What’s wrong with nursing your baby to sleep at night if it helps you both sleep better?

Many “bad habits” of baby care are normal human behaviour. These behaviours are not considered bad because they’re harmful, but because they take effort. They take time. It’s about being there, doing hard work and showing up, even when it is exhausting.

Many of these behaviours don’t even qualify as habits. It is something you learn over time that becomes automatic. In the first few months, newborns do not form habits. They have reflexes, and they need to be fed. We call them “habits”, but they are instinctual patterns of survival that babies have used for millennia.

Science of Soothing

The so-called “bad habit” has scientific benefits.

• Sucking: Sucking helps regulate breathing in babies, reduces stress hormones and promotes digestion.
• Physical Contact: Holding your baby, sleeping with them, or wearing them helps to regulate their temperature and heart rate. It promotes emotional security and decreases stress.
• Motion: Bouncing or rocking mimics the constant movement a baby feels in the womb. It helps calm their nervous system and makes them feel safer.

Both parents and babies benefit from these actions, which release oxytocin and endorphins. Even at night, breast milk contains melatonin to help babies establish sleep patterns.

Can they ever sleep without help?

Yes. Babies grow. Babies grow. They change.

They will eventually stop needing to be held, rocked or nursed to sleep. They grow out the need for swaddles and pacifiers as well as diapers. There is no specific time frame. Some babies are ready in six months while others may take longer. It’s fine.

It is not based on biology that babies should learn to sleep independently at an early age. The idea is based on adult convenience. While your well-being and sleep are important, your baby’s safety is also.

When habits become a problem

When can it become a problem? When you stop finding it useful.

It’s okay to make changes if you are resentful of rocking or you feel completely exhausted after nursing your baby all night. Balance is key to parenting. When you are ready and your child is developmentally able to adapt, it’s fine to change routines gently.

Don’t let fear make you change anything. You don’t have to stop nursing your baby at night because someone told you that you “should”. Changes should only be made when you are confident, calm and supported.

You can trust yourself

You know your child better than anyone else. Holding them will help them to sleep. Continue to feed them whenever they want. Don’t let external voices drown out your inner wisdom.

No medal is awarded for making something harder than it needs to be. There’s also no such thing as bad habits when you are doing something that is rooted in compassion, love and trust.

Final Thoughts – Celebrate Your Connection

By responding to your baby’s needs, you are not spoiling them. By responding to their needs, you are building trust.

By rocking or nursing your baby to sleep, you are not creating

bad behaviours. By rocking or nursing your baby to sleep, you are not creating bad habits.

Your baby is not wrong if he wants to be held constantly. You’re doing everything right.

Each cuddle, each moment of comfort and every whispered assurance helps your baby thrive. This is not a bad parenting habit; it’s essential.

Ignore the critics. Let go of your fear. Celebrate the bond you’re building with your child. The early months will pass quickly, and you are developing habits based on love. This can’t be a negative thing.