How to Choose a Birth Partner

Labour. Birth. First time meeting your baby. This is one of the most emotional and vulnerable times of your life. It makes sense, then, that the person you choose to be by your side is important.

Your birth partner is a vital support to you, whether it’s your first or fourth time bringing your child into this world. They will help you emotionally, physically and even spiritually. You might be held by your partner during contractions, or they may wipe your forehead using a cool cloth. They might support your decisions or simply sit quietly in solidarity as you breathe through the intensity.

How do you select the perfect person to be part of such an important event?

Answers are deeply personal. You may not need the same thing as your sister or best friend during labour. Each birthing experience and each birthing person is unique. Here’s an in-depth look at some of the people who make great birth partners, and why they may be the best choice for.

1. Your Real Partner: How to Choose a Birth Partner

Start with the obvious: your significant other. This is an obvious choice for many. You’re going to build a family together with your partner. It’s only right that your partner is there to see you through the end. They have likely seen every stage of pregnancy – morning sickness, midnight cravings and swollen feet.

It’s incredibly bonding to go through labour together. Many partners say that even though they are not the ones pushing or performing the surgical delivery, witnessing their child’s birth is one of the most emotional and intense moments of their lives.

Pros:

• You are deeply known and loved by them.
• Most likely, they’ve attended classes on birthing and assisted in preparing for the big event.
• You can feel emotionally and physically supported by their presence.
• You can ask them to do practical things like charging your phone or helping you communicate with the hospital staff.

What is the challenge? Some partners are not able to handle intense situations or medical settings well. Have an honest discussion with your partner if they tend to faint at the sight of blood or panic when under pressure. Bring a second person along to help your partner or act as a calm presence if they become overwhelmed.

Bonus tip: Let your workers know that it is okay to say blunt things when you are actively working. You can say “Don’t Touch Me!” and then “I Love You” an hour later without any questions.

2. Your sister (the built-in best friend)

Siblings can bring a unique kind of comfort. Sisters can make incredible birth partners, not just because you share a bloodline but also because they have spent a lifetime learning to read their moods, emotions, and needs.

A mother recently described her experience of having both her sisters present during her first delivery. She said that she was worried about not having my husband with her, but her sisters were wonderful. They knew how to support me, whether it was by laughing, holding my hand, or quietly supporting me.

A sister is a good choice for many reasons:

• You share a lifetime’s worth of history.
• She has probably given birth to her children and can offer empathy.
• She knows what you’re feeling, so there’s no need for an explanation or apology.
• You’re not embarrassed, especially if you’ve already been naked in front of her (thanks, childhood! ).

When you need them, sisters are great advocates. A sister can speak up for you if something isn’t right or a staff member at the hospital doesn’t listen to your needs.

3. Your Best Friend – The Chosen Family

Some people feel closer to their closest friend than others. Your best friend can be close to your heart, has shared your most intimate moments and wants to be there.

Best friends can provide unique support, such as calmness, encouragement, and even comedic relief, when needed most. There’s less expectation and pressure than with family. You chose them, and they have likely chosen to love you (and give you snacks) with their hearts.

Why You Might Choose A Friend Over Family:

• They are less affected by family dynamics and relationship tension.
• They are super useful and can bring a relaxed vibe.
• It may be easier to “be real” with them, i.e., scream, cry, etc.
• Even your partner may not have the same level of experience or calmness as a therapist.

It’s also worth noting that some people do not have strong family relationships. A close friend may be the only one they can trust in a time of vulnerability. It’s okay.

4. Your mum (The original birther)

For some people, the thought of their mother being in the delivery room can be a bit… stressful. For others, having their mum in the delivery room is the natural choice.

This woman is the one who brought this world into being. She’s the one who brings you soup whenever you are sick. It can be a wonderful experience to have your mother there, especially if you are close to her.

Why Mum could be the MVP?

• She has likely had a childbirth before and is familiar with the process.
• She will protect you and be your advocate with her fierce mama-bear instinct.
• She may be able to remain calm even when others are not.
• Her love is a testament to generations of love. Seeing her grandchild born can be a profound experience.

Mums can bring strong feelings into the room. She may cause you stress if she is anxious or controlling. Talk about expectations and boundaries before the date.

5. A Doula is a professional birth supporter.

Doulas provide professional birth support and are available to you. They are not midwives, nurses or other medical professionals. However, they will work with them to meet your emotional and physical requirements.

A doula may seem like an extra expense, but if you’re looking for someone who knows what they’re doing and has been through dozens or hundreds of births, a doula is worth the money.

What doulas offer:

• Birth experience and knowledge is a wealth.
• Constant support–doulas don’t change shifts like hospital staff.
• Pain management techniques (breathing exercises, movement, massage)
• Emotional coaching is available before, during and after childbirth.
• They will also guide you and your partner through the process.

Some doulas specialise in certain areas such as helping clients with high anxiety, birth trauma recovery or VBACs. A doula could be the perfect fit for you if your birth plan is complicated or if you want someone to reassure and reassure you.

Can you have more than one birth partner?

Yes, usually. There are limitations.

In most hospitals, one or two people can be present in the delivery area. Private birthing centres or home birth situations may allow for more people, but in high-intervention cases (like an emergency C-section), only one person will be allowed.

Check the policies of your birthing location and be ready to give priority to those who are with you at different stages.

Some women start their labour with a doula or sister, but then have their partner there for the pushing and surgical parts. What’s best for you is whatever combination makes you feel most supported.

What to look for in a birth partner

Your birth partner, whoever you choose to be, should:

• Calm down under pressure
• Respect your birth plan and wishes
• They are willing to be there for, but not their own experience
• Ability to cope with long hours of work and intense moments
• We’re happy to support, even if it makes different decisions.

Your birth partner is someone who will make you feel safe. You need someone who will remind you of your inner strength, especially when you are feeling weak. A person who will not be scared if the birth is messy, emotional, or noisy.

At the end, it’s your choice

It is important to choose a birth partner who will help you feel more confident and empowered. Not someone you feel obliged to include. Choose the person or people who make you feel loved, supported and heard. This could be your husband, sister, mum, best friend, doula or any combination.

When the time comes, when your baby is born, you’ll be able to look back on the experience and know that the people who were there for you were the best.