11 Golden Rules (so that everyone goes home happy)
The humble playdate is one of the most beloved and nerve-wracking rituals in parenting. It seems like a simple playdate between two kids and their caregivers, while they sip tea or make small talk. Under that happy exterior, there is a delicate dance between etiquette and unspoken expectations. There have even been a few near meltdowns.
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After attending and hosting more playdates (some wonderful, others borderline disastrous), a few golden rules have emerged. These rules are not set in stone, but have helped me navigate through the unpredictable social landscape of children.
This guide will help you if you have ever wondered what the protocol for a playdate is, or if it is okay to drop everything and leave, or if you should bake something from scratch.
Here are 11 golden rules to ensure that everyone has a great time, both children and adults.
1. Really, Don’t Clean Up For Me!
I’ll start with one that could save your sanity.
Please don’t clean your house as if I were coming for a playdate. Since I will be trying to prevent my child from spilling any juice on your floors, I won’t notice how dirty they are.
Here’s a pact. You won’t do the cleaning for me, and I will not clean for you. So, both of us can let go of the pressure to perform and enjoy the chaos as it is. Let the living area be a toy battle zone, one, and let the dishes stay in the sink. We’re not here to judge, but to connect.
2. Do Not Bring Food Unless This is a Real Reason
If your child doesn’t have a food restriction or allergy, or if you are in a fussy-eater phase, then there is no need to pack snacks or lunch for a playdate. There’s enough for everyone, so when you’re the host, please do the same.
This rule helps to remove the strange competitiveness. You know it: the secret battle over who has the most adorable Bento box, or the healthiest mix of snacks. We won’t go there. When it’s your turn to feed my child, I’ll do the same thing.
What about treats for mums? If you don’t want to bring anything, then there is no need to make homemade muffins or bake that Instagram-worthy Lemon Tea Cake. It’s enough to share a cup of coffee or tea and have a little conversation.
3. Pools Always Mean Parent Supervision
I’m not able to compromise on this one. I’m going to stay if the playdate includes swimming, whether it’s in a kiddie pool that’s blow up or a backyard lagoon. You’ve told me it’s fine to “drop and leave” and that you let your children swim without any problems. My anxiety tells me otherwise.
It doesn’t matter if I need to run errands; all children must be safe near water. I would rather be prepared than not. It only takes seconds for something to go wrong.
If it’s pool day, you can expect to see me parked at the pool, keeping an eye out and probably reminding people not to run on wet tiles.
4. Let Kids Lead the Play
When children are playing, it’s easy to micromanage. We’ve heard “sharing is caring”, a mantra we all know. Sometimes, it’s best to let people figure out their problems.
I don’t like to get involved unless someone is crying, throwing a Lego, or in a turf war. Playdates provide kids with the opportunity to learn social skills, such as negotiation, compromise, and empathy, on their own.
We should resist the temptation to act as the “sharing police” because they are learning from the fights.
5. Mind the Time (Life is a Series of Naps and Snacks)
What parent would? When it comes to playdates, I try to be on time. If I tell you that we will arrive at 10 am and leave before noon, then this is the goal. (With a 10-minute grace period, of course, because toddler socks are socks from another dimension, and they never show up on schedule.
It’s common sense to end playdates before a mealtime or naptime. This will prevent tantrums and meltdowns.
Don’t stay too long. A short and simple meeting is usually better than a long and chaotic one.
6. Never Ignore a Playdate Text
All of us are busy. It’s all too much. If another parent texts to arrange a playdate with me, I will always reply, even if I am unable to commit immediately.
Why? Ignoring messages may unintentionally appear rude. Parents with more than one child often plan their week carefully. It’s enough to as, “Thanks for inviting me, but this week is a little crazy. Let’s try again next week.”
The gesture is still appreciated, even if you are not a planner. It’s polite.
7. Snacks – Balance is the Name of the Game
I won’t give your child a kale-quinoa smoothie unless it’s something they eat regularly. But I try to avoid making playdates into sugar fests.
Imagine this: It’s fine to give a small treat (some Tiny Teddies or popcorn, perhaps a cookie), but also provide some fruit or cheese sticks. This helps to maintain balance and prevents a sugar crash just as the parent is about to pick up their child.
We’ve seen it all. We should try to avoid this if possible.
8. Don’t Waste Your Screen Time Today
My house does not have a TV during playdates unless it is raining and the mood of everyone is deteriorating.
It’s not because I hate screens, but because a playdate should be about playing. I want my kids to play, build forts in the backyard, dress up as dinosaurs, or dig in the yard. It’s fine to watch cartoons, but you can do that at home.
I will redirect if things start to get out of control. But I won’t use the TV as a crutch.
9. Make Sure Your Kids Know the House Rules
Each home has its own “rules”, some stricter than others. In your home, maybe kids only eat at the dinner table. Jumping on the couch might be a no-no. It’s tair.
It is important to convey it clearly and gently. When I am hosting, I will usually give a brief rundown. “Shoes inside, food in the kitchen, and yes, you may bounce on the trampoline, but not the couch.”
When we give children clear boundaries and gently remind them, they will adapt.
10. Reciprocity is Important
You can be sure that I will offer to do the same for you if you invite us over. It’s not out of obligation but because friendships are built on a mutual give-and-take.
There’s no need to plan it to the minute or the second. It’s just a simple understanding that you and I are both in it together. We share the work, the snacks, the joy, (and the chaos) of raising children.
Reciprocity helps create balance and prevents one household from becoming the default location for playdates.
11. Don’t Drop and Go If Your Child Isn’t Ready
Playdates can be a great way to encourage independence, but only if the child feels comfortable.
It’s okay to let your child stay if they are shy, nervous, or new in the house. It’s okay to stay. It is encouraged. Nobody wants to feel overwhelmed or unsure. Stay for a cup of tea, have a chat, and see what happens. You can leave later if they are comfortable.
The rule of thumb, however, is to only leave if you receive a clear green signal from your child.
Conclusion
Playdates are messy, unpredictable, and human. Everyone wins when we let go of the need to be perfect guests or hosts and focus instead on mutual respect, connection, and humor.
Let’s be simple, kind, and flexible, and remember the reason we are doing this: to give our children a chance to learn and grow by playing. And maybe have a few grown-up conversations while we’re there.
Pass the tea. Maybe one of the Tiny Teddies, too.
