The Brady Bunch: Big Family living is nothing like (Sibling love)
I have four children. It was planned, but not really. As I wrestle my herd in the ridiculously oversized “mum van” that I now drive, my mind is often drawn back to the idyllic television family of my youth: the Brady Bunch.
The Bradys, a family of six children, three boys and three girls, who were all well-coiffed, rarely fought, and lived in a suburban house that looked perfect. The Bradys were the television version of “perfect family living.” They had a large family, but they managed it with ease, harmony, and laughter around a clean table. Perhaps with some minor hiccups like a misunderstanding or two that are easily resolved by a family gathering and a soulful tune.
The Brady Bunch, as I have a large family myself, is as real as unicorns or fairy dust. The Bradys’ rosy picture of managing a large family is not true. Reality is far from the heartfelt hugs and easy smiles. It’s a lot noisier and – let’s be honest – exhausting.
Here’s an inside look at what a family like the Bradys looks like.
1. Not Everyone has an “Alice”
First, let’s clear this up: Alice. Alice was the beloved Brady housekeeper who managed to run her household with a smile and impeccable timing. She also had a lot of funny one-liners in her pocket.
Alice wasn’t just a maid. She was also the emotional anchor, the crisis manager, and peacekeeper. She was also the mother figure with magical powers of patience and organization. What about being honest? What was her secret? Coffee? Prozac? Pinot noir? A hidden escape tunnel?
Alice is not a reality in the world of large families. Unless you are exceptionally wealthy, you will be doing all the work. There is no one to do it all, whether you’re doing the laundry or driving kids to appointments and practices, settling sibling arguments, or giving first aid.
If you don’t already have your personal Alice, then prepare to roll your sleeves up, grab some coffee (or more), and accept the chaos as yours.
2. The Days are Long
Anyone with more than one child will tell you that the days are not just long, but interminably long.
The days can be a blur when you’re juggling everything from school drop-offs to soccer practices, music lessons, and birthday parties. You are constantly running about, collecting forgotten items, signing consent slips, and negotiating homework, snack time, and screen time with your kids.
If you think that you can breathe once you’ve finished the “big things,” such as school or activities, then you are wrong.
The secret is that when the sun goes down and the older kids settle down, the younger ones are just getting up. It’s not uncommon to have a second round of bedtime fights, or cries from the kids for “one more book” at the last minute.
You’ll feel like you are running a marathon every day, sprinting and dodging curveballs while wearing an invisible cape.
3. The Myth of Sibling Harmony
The Brady Bunch shows that the siblings may argue occasionally, but they are united by their love. Sibling relationships are often noisy and complex.
You may be mistaken if you believe that your children will always become best friends because they are siblings. There will be arguments over toys, clothing, bathroom time, and “who gets to sit in the front seat”. You’ll have to referee many fights that seem out of nowhere.
It can feel like the sibling relationship is “dead”, replaced by eye rolling, slammed doors, or whispered tattling.
Here’s what you need to know: underneath all the chaos and noise, there is love. There is love. It may be messy, imperfect, etc., and hidden under layers of frustration, but it does exist. As your children grow, they will often develop their methods of supporting and connecting.
4. The New Normal is Mess
You’re in for an unpleasant surprise if you picture a Brady-esque tidy home. Big families generate a mess. There is a lot of mess.
Shoes, socks, toys, and mysterious crumbs seem to be everywhere. Laundry piles are everywhere. No matter how often you clean the house, it feels like a mess within minutes.
It can be a Sisyphean effort to keep an entire household in order. You will learn to accept a little mess and chaos because, let’s face it, having a large family is a price worth paying.
5. There is No Such Thing as a Quiet Moment
In The Brady Bunch, the home is calm and quiet, the children are chatting nicely, and there’s a manageable level of noise. If you have more than one child, quiet becomes an extremely rare and valuable commodity.
You get used to the constant noise of siblings arguing, playing, laughing, or crying. You never know when you will have a meltdown or spontaneously dance.
The quiet moments, when the house is still and silent, are so rare that they feel like a mirage. When they do happen, it’s important to cherish them.
6. Individual Attention
You can devote all your attention to one child. When you have four or more children, it becomes exponentially harder. This becomes exponentially more difficult.
Each child is unique, with their quirks and fears. Each child needs to be heard, seen, and loved as a unique individual.
It can be difficult to find time for a one-on-one conversation amid chaos. You might find yourself multitasking constantly or paying attention to your loudest child.
To find those moments, it takes patience, creativity, an, sometimes pure luck. It could be reading a story to one child in bed while another is busy, or having a conversation quietly in the car as you drive to the practice.
7. Logistics is a Full-time Job
Many people underestimate the logistical challenges of having a large family. Coordinating school runs and extracurricular activities, as well as medical appointments, birthday parties, playdates, or other events, can seem like running a small company.
Calendar management is essential. You become a ninja at planning meals to satisfy different tastes, packing lunches without causing complaints, and figuring out who needs what when.
This is your chance to shine if you like lists, color-coded calendars, and planners. If you don’t have these skills, get ready to learn them fast!
8. You Can Discover New Levels of Patience (and creativity)
Patience is your best friend when you have a large family. You’ll learn how to think quickly and breathe deeply when you have a large family.
Creativity is also essential. Big family life challenges you to be resourceful. From inventing new games to entertain your children at home to finding creative ways to transform hand-me-downs into something special, to improvising meals using whatever is left in the pantry.
This is a gift that comes with a large family. It’s the chance to grow both as a person and a parent alongside your children.
9. The Joy and the Chaos are Inseparable
The joy of living in a large family is despite the exhaustion and mess.
The spontaneous laughter that erupts from the backseat of the car on a road trip with the family. On a cold, frosty morning, the children pile together in bed and cover themselves with blankets. The art projects with glitter glue, crayons, and scribbles all over the house are a good example.
The unique bond between your children is evident in their inside jokes, secret handshakes, and the rare moments they take to look out for one another without prompting.
Big families can be chaotic and messy. They’re also filled with love–messy and imperfect love, loud love, and a glorious love.
Conclusion
You’re in for a surprise if you expect the Brady Bunch with a large family. It’s less organized, chaotic, and exhausting, but it is also more real.
It’s not necessary to have a perfect Alice for the wheels to turn. Silence or clean floors are not necessary. You don’t require scripted harmony. You need patience, humor, and a large heart.
Sibling love is not dead. It’s simply sleeping and waiting for the next chaotic moment to wake it up.
If you are wrangling a herd of kids in the mom van, you are not alone. It’s a messy, complicated life with a large family. But it is also a great adventure. It’s an adventure worth sharing.
